Unprecedented longing

by Chua Han Au

in the pouring rain, I listened closely to the song you said was nice
(yes it is)
I noticed,
at a very young age
that you had a proclivity towards
songs that exuded melancholia;
lyrics held a certain gravity in you,
melodies came in second

you too have always been a wordsmith —
a linguist at heart, a poet by nature
alas, you were not given the opportunity to hone your exceptional linguistic ability
but when you had a son
you balanced between practicality and supporting his dream

he was the young reflection of your literary self
perhaps all he was was a blank canvas
yet as he grew
under your personality and esoteric philosophies
the canvas was tainted, marred, embellished…

he was your young reflection —
brimming with poetry and prose
sharing an inclination towards the human condition, held similar views on grief,
the afterlife, religion, love…

in the end, you encouraged him to pursue what he loved most intimately, with confidence

Dear Mom,
the separation between us is literally beyond roads and seas
every night as I look at the pregnant moon and dead stars
I wonder if you too are looking at those identical ones —
thinking about Grandpa or simply relaxing

there is so much more gratitude in farewells
and intensified joy in rendezvouses

I am always looking forward to the next get-together.
Always

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